Mary Carey - The Porn Star Who Would Be Governor of California
Mary Carey's Concession Speech (10/07/03)
First of all, I want to thank everyone who helped my historic campaign for governor of California. This includes the believers who donated money to my campaign. The thousands of college students around the state who worked so hard organizing rallies and distributing campaign materials. And I want to thank my boss Mark Kulkis, president of Mary Carey and the best campaign manager a candidate could ever have!
Tonight the people of California have spoken. Even with a last minute surge in voting from the San Fernando Valley, I don't think I'll have enough votes to win this election, so I am officially conceding. I want to congratulate Arnold Schwarzenegger on being elected as the next governor of California. I wish him good luck in running the state, and fixing the serious problems that inspired this recall election in the first place.
As you might know, my campaign has garnered unprecedented media attention. Everyone from the Fox News Channel to the New York Times are referencing what they call “The Mary Carey effect” on the election. It is my sincere hope that with all this attention, there has also been a “Mary Carey effect” on the Bush administration. Attorney General John Ashcroft has stated that he wants to outlaw the adult film industry. Well – hello, that's me! I'm a porn star, that's what I do. I love my job. And obviously, a lot of people love watching me do my job in movies like “Mary Carey Rules!”
Of course, the Bush administration will claim they don't want to outlaw me. They'll claim that they're only interested in outlawing “extreme porn.” But who makes that judgment of what's extreme? Who draws that line? John Ashcroft? Remember, John Ashcroft is the one who ordered a bare breast on a Justice Department statue covered up at a cost of $8000 to taxpayers. Don't fool yourself – if the American people leave it to John Ashcroft, he will outlaw me and the entire adult entertainment industry.
I hope from all the positive media attention I've been getting, that the Bush administration will realize one important fact – that America loves its porn stars! The largest state in this nation – a state with 54 electoral votes – put a porn star on its ballot today. And this same porn star has been beamed into America's living rooms almost every night for the past two months. If that's not mainstream acceptance, then I don't know what is. I would go so far as to say that if you took a poll of the American public today, more people would be happy to invite me into their homes than Rush Limbaugh!
Many reporters have asked me if I have plans to stay in politics. The answer is... YES! Definitely! I've had a great reception to my platform from California voters. Even if some of my ideas for reducing the deficit and bringing in new revenue were a little radical, they seemed to strike a chord with people. That's because I'm at least trying to fix the economy. I'm coming up with new ideas, and new solutions to our economic problems. Because if people don't have a job, and don't have food to put on their table, then none of the other issues matter. By the way, that's another lesson the Bush administration should take away from my candidacy: stop worrying about porn stars like me, and start worrying about the American economy!
I would like to close by wishing Arnold Schwarzenegger good luck. Arnold, if you ever need any advice in running the state of California, or you ever want to grope someone, you can reach me at the offices of Mary Carey!
Tomorrow I'm going to return to my day job, making the best porn movies in the world. Like Mary Carey Rules, which you should all go out and buy! But I'm going to stay politically active, especially with regard to issues that affect the adult industry. And who knows? Thirteen years from now, when I'm old enough to be eligible, you may see my name on a presidential ballot!
Thank you, and goodnight.
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For the record, it's "Mary Carey" - NOT Marey Carey, Mary Cary, Mary Carrie or anything else besides Mary Carey - OK!?